Carmen Payne

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I often get asked, why do you do what you do? I can best describe it by sharing one experience that comes to mind. About 3 years ago I was working with a client who had really hit their rock bottom. This individual was taking substances to stay on top of work commitments. When their spouse found out, it resulted in a divorce and this person not just losing their job but also their spouse and kids. I worked with this client, where we did a lot of visualization and reframing and helping them to manage the anxiety and loss they felt from this completely life changing event. About a month ago I received an email from this client that said the following:

“Hi Carmen, I hope this finds you well, I just I wanted to share with you an epiphany I just had and I want to thank you for it. It could be a testimonial on your website.

Three years ago when I was in what I consider now to be rock bottom you had me do a visualization exercise of what I would consider “Being Happy”. The image in my head that you helped me paint through your coaching has come to fruition.  The more I think about it the more I re-created that and I didn’t even realize it.

So thank you ….  I would’ve never imagined that I would have would have been able to rebuild my life in three years but I have thanks in large part to your wisdom. BUT...Now I’ve never even considered being at this point certainly not this soon!”

 When I received this email it deeply touched me, it was a strong reminder of why I do what I do. This client was trying to conform to the toxic work environment and as a result took drastic measures to do so in order to satisfy a sense of false unreciprocated loyalty, instead of speaking their truth and asking for help and setting healthy boundaries. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to receive this client’s note!

Carmen’s early experiences of her childhood contributed greatly to Carmen viewing herself as a “pleaser and a bit of a pushover.” She recalls “not really having a voice and not being my true authentic self as a result. It took many years and a broken marriage to help me realize my importance, my authenticity, my personal power and my ability soar above my circumstances. It is this learning and awareness that drives me to do what I do.”

I feel that when we look at our lives and its possibilities from a limitless perspective, we can see so much clarity around our potential. When clients feel stuck or overwhelmed, not able to see their limitless potential, I help them discover their path to authenticity and transformation. I encourage them to ascend the circumstances of their lives, free their “heartspace”, take flight and soar!

Carmen is a certified life coach with over 20 years of coaching, mentoring, training and project management for Fortune 500 companies.


Welcome to this episode of Carmen's Coaching Corner!

The topic for this episode is Switch the Script!

We all have people in our work and personal lives we don't always look forward to meeting or speaking with. Where we're a little or a lot stressed about this looming interaction?  And do you find yourself sometimes before you even meet or speak with this person or persons imagining the dialogue in your head with this other person? The way the conversation is going to go? And you are literally having an argument with them in your in your head? Possibly defending yourself or your position on something. Or preparing to be ripped a new one by senior management?  I know I did.  And of course, it gets you stressed out and you're prepared for a fight or to defend yourself.  Because, this is the, "play" you're seeing in your head and you're focused on, (in some cases) due to past experience or you're automatically thinking of the worst-case scenario – or in other words - what you don't want.

Today I'm going to share a four-step process where you get to change the story playing in your head and re-script it!

How do you do that? Well, instead of imagining the worst, pretend you're a screen writer. As the owner of this script you get to create the scene and the dialogue for how you would prefer things to "Play out" with you as the central star! There are four parts to this process:

  1. In your head or even better on paper, Set the Scene. Fully imagine it. Who's there, what room you're in, what the location looks like. Time of day, day of the week. Basically, setting the backdrop.

  2. Script out the dialogue between you and the other actors in the scene. How do you want the conversation to go? What is it you do want? What is the outcome you want? Write this script from your heart space not your head space. Why, because this is about you coming out of it with grace so all actors feel good when they exit stage left and you come away as the star of the scene and not a – well insert your own insult.

  3. Play it out in your mind's eye, fully imagine it. When you do check in with yourself. How are you showing up, are you showing up with the right open-hearted energy or something else? How are the other actors showing up?

  4. Replay the scene and make adjustments! Remember you are the script writer – you own this, so you can modify it as much as you like.

By using this process, what this does is, it shifts your mindset, your old perspective/story, to this new possible scenario. You are choosing a more positive way it could play out and this in turn shifts how you show up and the vibe you give off. It effects how the actors in the scene respond to you. Notice I used the word respond and not react. This works whether you are face to face, on the phone, Webinar it doesn't matter. As human beings we communicate on so many different levels it's amazing. We all know that approx. 55% of our communication is non-verbal. Part of that non-verbal, whether you realize or belief this or not is, we all pick up on each-others energy vibration.

Now keep in mind, this Switch the Script process works most effectively if you believe in your script and it's written from your heart space. Sounds woo woo for us left brain people I know, but I encourage you to try it. Maybe start with a small meeting encounter first.

If writing it down doesn't resonate with you then script it out in your mind with as much detail as possible.  Perhaps in the car, in bed or even use your phone.

What I can share with you from personal experience is this one technique/process greatly helped me in my corporate job.

Quick personal story. When I was a project manager delivering IT projects, I was thrown into quite a few, "super-hot" projects for our biggest customers, where I'd get on a conference call and be ripped a new one, often times before I had opened my mouth. I'm sure there's a few of you watching the video or reading this who can relate.  Before I learned this process, I would show up for the next call or meeting, stressed, feeling pressure, even dread, on the defensive and just ready to fend off verbal punches and kicks. Once I learned this process, my experience changed for the better. In a couple of cases, the person yelling at me offered me a job if I ever wanted it. This process takes you from unempowered and sitting in, it's out of my control, to empowered and in charge of how you get to show up and respond and not react. Be calmer and far less stressed. Oh, if you're anything like I used to be, in some cases, not let it keep you up at night.  You get your sleep back.

So, switch the script! It's that simple!

If you would like the free worksheet I have created for this episode and the last one, please email me and I will send it to you!

In Love & Light,
Carmen


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